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Do our hearts know something we don't? [Saturday March 22nd, 2008] Your eyes are full Full of the future of us The air changes as you look across At me in that wondering way   It is as if I knew you before we spoke Do our hearts know something we don't? Conspiring, converging without giving us any say    You, sing me to sleep Talk down my walls Look through my windows as I wait You could be the thief I give the key to   You're ruining me With secrets and gestures and looks With sonnets from second-hand books Playing the chords in me nobody knew how to play   Bridge It fits in your hand like water in rain It unlocks our two different selves And shows we are the same Rather than wait `til I put me out for the taking You're breaking You're breaking You're breaking into my heart And I'm letting you One of my favorite songs for now. Love the lyrics, sappy, sweet and nice. There's a few other songs of hers i like as well so i figured i might as well get the whole thing. I've been trying to look for her album but somehow it can't be found. Oh wells. Too many sappy songs, couples and wedding gowns. read (2) cmnt

[Friday March 21st, 2008] this is my idea of a real marriage. a happy one. yeah. that'll be it. it's all i ever wanted. i'll listen to her sing and play the piano. then i'll sit her on my shoulder and piggyback her around at baybeats, fuji rock or glastonbury. then we'll take countless polaroids of ourselves, whatever polaroids are left. and we'll live in a nice apartment in Manhanttan and order starbucks in the morning with cold glass windows and wake up together in pure white quilt beds,and kiss with bad morning breath. OMG. Its in every way what i'd wish for. One word- PERFECT. =))) I'm back. read (1) cmnt

I've got ice-cream in my head. [Sunday March 2nd, 2008] On those few/rare days that i don;t feel like my usual brilliant self and wonder if there's actually really a brain in my head, I get so damn bloody irritated with myself. And today's THE day, because i CANNOT find my PDL! where the hell is that lousy pok piece of paper! i swear i searched and dug through my gigantic pile of notes/books/junk. The last time i rmbr, I saw it kiaped btw some book/file/notes/stacks of paper, and i rmbr telling myself that that was a weird place to keep my PDL, and made a bet with myself that the next time i try to find it, i sure cannot. AND THEN TELL ME WHY I DIDN:T TAKE IT OUT AND KEEP IT PROPERLY. oh man, face the fact woman. You don't have brains. well, maybe a bit, but not much of one anyway. (argh.) read (0) cmnt

[Wednesday February 27th, 2008] Its time i snapped out of things. There's no point getting upset over someone who sees you as dispensable and who doesn;t appreciate you. Today i got a breather, I thought about things and sorted out plans for the future. And when i got things more settled, i realised i was this jaded and exhausted. But its all good now. And to end things off, one of my favorite sappy sonnets for all you romantics. Sonnet XVII I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz or arrow of carnations that propagate fire: I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries hidden within itself the light of those flowers, and thanks to your love, darkly in my body lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where, I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.                                                                                                                     - Pablo Neruda read (1) cmnt

[Wednesday February 27th, 2008] I don;t know why you choose to have things this way. But if someone told you you were in the way of their happiness and they want you out of their lives, would you still stay? So i won;t be hanging around any longer. have a happy life stranger. read (0) cmnt

[Tuesday February 26th, 2008] DAMNIT. Why can i do anything right?! WHY SO ANGSTY WOMAN? read (1) cmnt

Across the Universe. [Tuesday January 29th, 2008] Can't you see? All these tears, pain, heartbreaks and heartaches, sleepless nights and tear-stained cheeks. It'll all be okay, once you grow up. Watched 27dresses over the weekend cos one must do all they can to make themselves happier. Its your usual chick-flick kind of thing but one of the sappiest movies i've watched for a long while. I love sappy movies. The romantic mind-blowing plots, finding the perfect one and settling down in the prettiest wedding ever. And i realised i forgot all of that for a long while. All i wanted was so simple. Why couldn;t i see that? Blueberry waffles, ice-cream, slacking on the couch and watching countless DVDs till we finally fall asleep. That to me is more than perfect. In a while i'll be 20, and i feel the desperate need to catch what's left of my remaining youth and to be great. And now, I'm praying for a miracle, some sort of redemption and grace. It'll all be okay, you'll be fine you see, we'll all be. If need be, fight till the end and I'll be next to you, in prayer. read (2) cmnt

[Friday January 25th, 2008] \ Deja vu Bad things never fail to happen. And you see the only thing you can do is to suck it up and force yourself to deal with it. I managed not to cry yesterday. And yes i'm growing stronger, I have to be, I chose to think so. And i thought about it, 40years later when i'm 60 and gng to die soon, would all this matter to me anymore. I doubt. So get ready to welcome me and my gnormous smile. There's nothing i can do but be happy. And i'm horribly horribly sick, the flu bug landed on me. And And And i jinxed myself by telling chrystal that ever since JC i seem to have no more cramps. My period as well as the glorious cramp came last night. read (2) cmnt

[Friday January 11th, 2008] Today one of my uni friend made a really bad joke, and till now, i realised its still ringing in my head. So we just had lunch and i was horribly sleepy/grumpy, afterall i still had 7 hrs more in sch and a freaking 4hrs lecture. then we were talking about how our other friends, Shimah ponned sch today. And then the random voice spoke " If shimah was a hero, you know what she would be?" and evryone was like what? superman/spiderman? and he said, "hiroshima" kill me now. read (5) cmnt

[Thursday January 3rd, 2008] its 2008. And i'm writing an article which is not working out and i'm not proud of it=( And no resolutions for me this year, hate them. I haven;t had an easy year at all, the very fact that i started off the 2007 alone and ended it alone as well. I learnt how naive i was. I always didn;t understand how one could stop loving someone you used to love so much and it surprised me to find out that time can make you love someone as well as unlove someone else. Along the way we learn i guess. But from all, I now know who i can depend on to stand by me and who i cannot. By that i don't mean taking my side and all but simply believing in my good and simply being there to accompany me. And i take back what i said about virtual friends and virtual hugs because they do make me feel better and just cos a friend isn;t physically there doesn't mean they don;t care. So thank you, you have no idea how much i love you all. haha=) If anything at all, i wouldn;t be alive or standing here if not for the grace of God, which is smthg you haven;t heard me say in a long time. Although the relationship is still pretty strained, i know he kept me alive. I took things worse than i ought to cos i've never been so low before and i allowed myself to dwell in it. Its in the weak that he is magnified, and i dare say that my existence is the very prove of his strength. You wasnlt there to see what a wreck i was, how i stopped living, how i cried and cried and cried, how my physical pain could not numb me from the pain inside, how i stood in the middle of the road waiting for a damn car to come, how lost and helpless i was, how i stopped eating, going for lessons. I'm not ashamed of the stupid things i did when i was so low because it all proves how he picked me up and helped me move on. So for that, thank you Lord. Life isn;t great now, far from my happy flower life during secondary sch. But i'm fine and happy. I'm very determined to make this year a blast to make up for my past year of shittiness. For those who stood by me in 2007, thank you. *back to my damn article=( read (1) cmnt

cheesecake [Monday December 31st, 2007] \\ Now its time to say goodbye. been hell busy, be it physically or mentally but life's been crazy. 2008 better not be anything like 2007=) other than that i've got my results back and damn, i dunno what to say abt them. Just that next sem, look out for me, i promise to be genuis.=) like what i said at the start of uni life, that i didn't come here to be ordinary, so i just won;t be, Last sem was an unfortunate wreck because of so many things but now life's offering me alternate routes to take to walk away from where i am standing and i'll take it- gladly. So here it is, happy new year to you all. hope u had a better 2007 than i did and a even greater 2008=) byebye now, chicken pie!=)) love. read (1) cmnt

[Friday December 28th, 2007] Along the way, science has got you brainwashed, has got you thinking that things must occur in a certain way. But i tell you, in this space, paper can break stone walls. I started writing again.=) read (0) cmnt

Carol Then [Tuesday December 11th, 2007] Haha, Carol Then Ka Ling! i dunno why but i  just laughed at your chinese name, not that its not nice la. haha=) Thanks for the song!=)))))) Now i owe you a virtual lollipop but i dunno how to draw one. haha, i give u real one la, when i see you.=) Thanks girl=)) love. read (2) cmnt

[Friday December 7th, 2007] I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate you. You think i'm some good at the supermarket, well wake up! you'll never stand a chance, not even half a chance. Why didn;t i tell you that? because i didn;t want to hurt you, but what did u do to me in return? So i hate you so much and never ever ever want to see you again because i will kill you when i do Yes, i'm angry, if u cannot already tell. read (0) cmnt

[Friday December 7th, 2007] i was typing an entry abt how sorry i was for hurting u and then laughing it off before this then i realized. JERK! get lost before i kill you. Believe me i will. read (0) cmnt

[Thursday December 6th, 2007] Today i kill myself, and tomorrow I'll live. if someone could explain to me how to view my life issues in a positive light, i'll give you all that i have in my bank accnt. Serious. read (0) cmnt

cos maybe, i'm gonna be the one that saves the world [Tuesday December 4th, 2007] [ mood | sick ] Maybe thats why i'm so interested in photography. I've decided on my first series (thats is when i do get a cam) i want to capture true/real/unposed emotions, because that would help me, to understand the emotions/feelings i feel now, that of sadness, loss, grieve, pain and loneliness and show me once more the emotions and feelings that i've since lost- happinesss and joy. i truly hope that one day i'll have a feature on myself, because i see people everyday, see how they smile/laugh/talk/eat, but i never do get to see myself in those real/natural/unposed moments. I want to see myself, understand myself better. And most of all, i would love to see a picture of myself, smiling with true happiness and joy. sometimes i wished i was drop dead gorgeous or weird looking enough to be a model so they would take picture of me. Its just sad to be plain and boring. Today my heart is aching, but i won't tell you why. read (1) cmnt

[Wednesday November 28th, 2007] I wish i could be there for you. I really hope you are okay and feel better. I dunno what else to say except that every bit of me prays and wish that you are fine. So please be. Take care. read (3) cmnt

mb103-bane of my life=( [Thursday November 22nd, 2007] today, i feel hopelessly sad for myself. the marketing book is so damn big n fat  i'm at chapt one only so i ordered one mcflurry and one doublecheeseburger and made a guy send it to me. read (3) cmnt

no sunday school answers. [Monday November 19th, 2007] And all there was, those soft murmurs, ramblings, gossips, that tear her down, bones beaten, heart cold. Against the rage of the wind, that scornful thrust. Slowly but surely, it drains out every last breath of hers. she hears the songs of the night, the christmas carols. But all those, so far away so distant, they never reach her. With one last drop of tear, the sodden ground, she turns her back against this hateful world and lets herself go free. Forgotten, by the world forgot. Don't fade away now. read (4) cmnt

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